Day 10

So this has pretty much been the longest 10 days of my life, so far. I think the next 2-16 will be pretty long too.

Had my appointment this morning and the ultra sound results seemed off to me and were not really consistent with my bloodwork. My E2 is 737, and I was hoping it would be over 1000. And I had one follicle that seemingly didn't grow at all and one that grew a lot, probably too much, or either my Tuesday u/s was wrong or today's u/s was wrong. Or they were both right and my body just sucks.

Anyway, today's stats:
R side: 30.74, 26.98, and 14.78mm
L side: 21.1 and 11.42mm

Most of my eggs are not round. You might say they are egg shaped. I do have the one on the left (21.1) that is almost perfectly round. They take two measurements and the ones they give you are the mean. I knew I would have the one big one/cyst, but was hopeful after my last u/s that the remaining 3 or so would be closer in size. Oh well.

The other issue is she noted fluid in my uterine lining. This may or may not be a problem. Dr. Google only led to lots of confusion and everything from cancer to excess cervical fluid as a possible reason, so I am not worrying about it for now. My doctor did want one more u/s before my egg retrieval on Saturday morning to see if it has resolved itself.

Oh yes, I am having the ER this Saturday. Tonight at precisely 9:00pm I will do my trigger shot of Ovidrel. Saturday morning we will leave here at 6:30 so I can get to my u/s appointment. I will then start my pre-op stuff at 8:00 and John will produce his sample and the ER is schedule for 9:00am. So even without things being perfect (but are they ever?), we are proceeding. If we were paying out of pocket, I'm not sure we would. But I feel like we have to give it a try and hope for the best. This is where people tell me stories filled with hope about how they all know someone who had the odds stacked against them and so-and-so still had success. I have mixed feelings about these stories, but I know some people like this myself, so I have to hold on to that little bit of hope.

Today I have been doing a lot of meditating and trying to calm my nerves. I am very nervous abut the ER itself, mostly the anesthesia. I is "light" anesthesia, but I am still worried. I don't have the greatest history of waking up from surgery very well. When I had my wisdom teeth removed, I slept for 2 days. My brother went a high school dance the same day he got his out (or someone I know, I am remembering it was Matt) and I literally could not stay awake long enough to have a conversation with people who were coming to visit me. There is also the part about me being asleep while wearing no pants and not being aware of what is happening. I fully trust my doctor and know I will be receiving the very best care, but talk about feeling vulnerable. I am just kind of an anxious person at times (usually situations where I'm not in control) and for those that know me, you know I worry a lot. Sometimes about silly things I have no control over. IVF is a very controlled process, but you actually don't have any control. I am having to give over control to my doctor and nurses and just trust them and this process and there is little I can do about it, except to follow their very specific instructions and try to take care of myself the best I can. I may or may not be a control freak.

Okay, now I'm rambling.

If you want to see a video about how the ER process works, I found the following video pretty fascinating.

And if you want to be entertained, watch some videos on youtube of people waking up from their ER (or any other surgery) and it's pretty funny. I do not give John permission to film me, but if he does, I will not be held responsible for anything crazy I might say due to the anesthesia.